Lost Boys - A Talk on Belonging

 

Last weekend I was able to go on a girl’s trip to see a friend who had moved to Vegas. Two of our other friends met there as well. One of the activities that we did for the weekend was to go to a Trunk or Treat all dressed up as the whole gang from the Disney cartoon Peter Pan. We arrived at the activity that evening but we did not have any food to contribute, and my friend’s husband hadn’t purchased any candy for the Trunk or Treat. One friend and I decided to head to the store to at least get some candy. My friend and I were the Lost Boys of the group, so she was dressed as a raccoon and I, dressed as a skunk, hurry into Smith’s to get candy and get out as quickly as possible. At the check out counter, the cashier asked if I had a Smith’s card. I told her, “No. We aren’t from here.” She asked where we were from and I couldn’t help myself in saying, “Never Never Land, of course.” I’m sure the cashier rolled her eyes as we walked out the door. But it got me thinking about how my friend and I were “Lost Boys.” Could people tell that we were more than just a skunk and raccoon? We weren’t with our main group so they couldn’t see Peter Pan, Captain Hook, Wendy, and Smee waiting for us at the church – we were really just “Lost Boys” and yet, we had a whole group that we belonged to. As I tried to find a conference talk to share with you, I admit that “The Doctrine of Belonging” caught my eye. I have moved and visited many places and have met people of all kinds and cultures, so, I wanted to use Elder Christofferson’s talk today to share some of his thoughts and mine on what it means to belong.

There are three parts to this. The first is “The Role of belonging in gathering the Lord’s covenant people”
2. The importance of service and sacrifice in belonging, and
3, how Jesus Christ is central to belonging.

Elder Christofferson points out that the church began with a small group of white North American and Northern European saints with a handful of Native Americans, African Americans, and Pacific Islanders. Almost 200 years later those numbers have increased and include people from outside the United States than inside. I have seen this myself as we have traveled throughout the world. People from all countries and ethnicities attend church meetings that are just the same as the one that we will have today. Youth are taught to have high moral characters, values, and standards. Adults are taught to love God and to love their families. Children are welcomed into primaries all over the world and are taught songs of praise that will stay with them their whole life. There is no exception to who is welcome at our church. If you have ever watched “The Chosen,” which tries its best to document in video form the life of Jesus Christ as we know it from Bible sources, you might notice that Jesus is surrounded by, “the weirdos”, those who are shunned from society and feel as if they are outcasts. The Savior welcomes them into his fold and loves them unconditionally. He encourages them to become better and to seek for higher things, but He accepts them as they are. I recall a man in our ward in Ohio. Every Sunday he would attend wearing his hoodie that said, “The Devil has a restraining order against me.” He belonged. In Texas, a dear friend in my YW presidency struggles with alcoholism. She belongs. My friend, who is a Bishop’s wife, hates doing service. She still belongs. Those who aren’t their best selves, don’t do crafts, yell at their children, crash their cars, succumb to weaknesses and addictions, have many doubts – all these still belong. The Savior is seeking these “Lost Boys” because He is for everyone.

A few years ago, as people started to leave the church in large numbers, I was pondering on why this was happening. What makes someone decide to become a Lost boy? I know that this is a sensitive subject with a plethora of reasons, but I have some general thoughts on the matter and the inspiration that has come to me as I have studied this. Many people who leave the church still love the Savior, but they may not feel that they can measure up to certain standards. People leave because they are offended by another or by church policy or material found on the church website. People leave because church is boring, and they find that there are other things that fill them spiritually. These are all real and valid reasons. We have this one short life to live and if something loses meaning then we forsake it. However, there is only one place to get the covenants and the Priesthood. God has only authorized one prophet and a set of apostles to facilitate the organization of His church. These men aren’t perfect, and we should not expect them to be. They speak truth and give us guidance for our life. They are a lighthouse on a stormy sea as we try to navigate what is right and wrong in this upside down world. I can’t pretend to say that all the things that the church does are things that I agree with, but what I do know is that by choosing to belong, I am allowing the ordinances and covenants that I made guide me for what I need in my life. I choose to belong because there are promises and powers made to those who stay. There is no requirement that you must understand and agree with all the things you hear from pulpits or in church articles. No requirement to be free from sin and addiction. No expectation that you have to love the temple or Relief Society or nursery. The only thing you have to desire is to love the Savior and then want to be better.
In his First Epistle to the Corinthians, Paul declares that all who are baptized into the Church are one in the body of Christ:

“For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.

“For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit. …

“That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.

“And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.”5

Almost 14 years ago, from this very pulpit, I spoke at my sister’s funeral. She was a “lost boy” and felt like she didn’t belong. Her life was tumultuous and difficult and ended far too soon. Ironically, her funeral was attended by so many people, many of them being people who she felt judged by or excluded from. I have thought about her life often and wondered how things could have been different. I have no good insights on that, though. Her difficult choices taught me many lessons that I have referenced as I have interacted with others in my callings and friendships. Our Savior’s gospel of belonging has to mean that even the people who are difficult to love are still included in His fold. Why would we do temple work for people we have never met or know anything about? If we fulfill the temple ordinances for our ancestors who may have been very wicked people, then is there not hope for all of us when we meet the Savior?  First Samuel 16:7 says, The Lord doesn’t see as man sees. Men look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” He cares about our desires and longings and what we are becoming. He doesn’t measure us based on our church attendance, car we drive, or money in the bank. My sister had a good heart. It is just that sometimes her methods were questionable. I can’t even begin to speculate how the Lord would judge her and I try to remember that as I encounter His other Lost Boys.

So many of you deal with very difficult things. Let me ask you some rhetorical questions - What keeps you coming back to the Savior? How do you prevent yourself from becoming lost? Elder Christofferson quotes, “The Savior invites us to come unto Him-no matter our circumstances.” Becoming like Him only makes us better.

A second facet of belonging is what you bring to the table. Elder Christofferson says, “Although we rarely think about it, much of our belonging comes from our service and the sacrifices we make for others and for the Lord. Excessive focus on our personal needs or our own comfort can frustrate that sense of belonging.” Even the Savior – the greatest of us all – did not come to be ministered to, but to minister to others. I have 2 friends who claim that they hate doing service. This was interesting to me because it is something most people don’t vocally confess and I happen to like doing service, so I had to think about this for a while. What we actually figured out was that they do service that brings them joy – one of them loves to bake for her friends, super fancy things. She is also someone who enjoys spending hours at the gym. She served myself and others by teaching what all the equipment does at the gym. The other friend loves to make pretty things and cook fun meals for her family. Is this not a form of service? Service isn’t doing things that you loathe but feel obligated to do. Service is whatever you make of it. Taking time to think of someone other than yourself is all the Lord asks.

Elder Christofferson shares a story, “Today, unfortunately, consecrating oneself to a cause or sacrificing anything for anyone else is becoming countercultural. In a piece for Deseret Magazine last year, author Rod Dreher recounted a conversation with a young mother in Budapest:

“I am on a Budapest tram with a … friend in her early 30s—let’s call her Kristina—while we are on the way to interview an older [Christian] woman who, with her late husband, withstood persecution by the communist state. As we bump along the city’s streets, Kristina talks about how hard it is to be honest with friends her age about the struggles she faces as a wife and mother of young children.

“Kristina’s difficulties are completely ordinary for a young woman learning how to be a mom and a wife—yet the prevailing attitude among her generation is that life’s difficulties are a threat to one’s well-being and should be refused. Do she and her husband argue at times? Then she should leave him, they say. Are her children annoying her? Then she should send them to day care.

“Kristina worries that her friends don’t grasp that trials, and even suffering, are a normal part of life—and maybe even part of a good life, if that suffering teaches us how to be patient, kind and loving. …

“… University of Notre Dame sociologist of religion Christian Smith found in his study of adults [ages] 18 to 23 that most of them believe society is nothing more than ‘a collection of autonomous individuals out to enjoy life.’”13

By this philosophy, anything that one finds difficult “is a form of oppression.”

What does that make you think of? Are there things in your life where you are thinking too much about yourself and how difficult things are? This will only weigh you down and provide no uplift to your life.  Those who have served missions, or spent countless hours in callings, jobs, or assignments have usually seen the person that they have become as better because of that service and sacrifice. Parents who struggle through raising children, especially difficult ones, may find great rewards later… and some even after this life. Shying away from doing hard things will not produce growth that you may need in order to become the person that you wanted to become.

Lastly, we prevent ourselves from becoming a lost boy in this church by remembering that we are here to become closer to Jesus. As amazing as the fellowship and friendships can be, if you are not here for your relationship with the Savior, then it won’t be enough to sustain you. He is everything.

A while back, I was listening to a lady talk about the culture of the church. My mom is a convert from Detroit, Michigan so I wasn’t raised with a lot of the culture that my friends would talk about – other than Donny Osmond. I had to research to figure out what was culture and what was doctrine. My prayers to Heavenly Father on this quest led me to a book called “Doctrines of the Gospel.” It is actually a manual in the Gospel Library that just teaches the Doctrines. It goes through all the basic principles and pieces of knowledge that bring us closer to Christ. There is nothing of the culture in it and it is glorious. I came to understand how sometimes people get caught up in the culture of the church – wearing the trendiest ties and socks, or fancy dresses with all the right jewelry. Having a nice boat, house at the lake, being a world traveler. Some people believe that material wealth is tied to righteousness. It is not. The church is about helping you become closer to your Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. His doctrine is pure and lacks many of things that we may consume our time with. Taking the time to study this, helped me understand the real reasons why the Gospel is perfect – notice that I said “The Gospel” and not the church. They are 2 separate things. The gospel and the doctrines should be why you stay. The church is like a jewelry box that holds the pearl that is the gospel. There may be times when the church leaves you feeling like a Lost Boy, but the Gospel is all-inclusive. Our Savior desires all to come unto Him and to partake in his covenants and ordinances. Our job is to be kind and loving to those who are trying to do that even if their methods are different than ours.

In closing, there may be times when we find ourselves in Never never land and struggling to make progress and grow up. If you find yourself at that crossroad, yoke yourself with the Savior. As Elder Christofferson teaches - Remember your covenants. Find some way that you enjoy serving others. Prepare to sacrifice comforts in an attempt to become better and kinder. Some of the coolest people I know have gone through the hardest of trials. And lastly, if you love your Savior or at least want to learn more about Him, then you belong.

 I know that my Savior lives. He came to this earth, suffered for not only our sins but He also chose to suffer for all the hard things that we would experience. He understood that He wouldn’t know how to succor us if he hadn’t felt these same feelings and pains himself. He knows you, your trials, your heartaches and joys. I know that He knows mine. I am grateful for all the things that being a member of this church provides me. It may not be perfect, but I love the people and programs in their attempts to make our lives better and to make us better people. I hope that some words from my family’s talks have touched your heart today and remind you of God’s love for you.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.