Last weekend I was able to go on a girl’s trip to see
a friend who had moved to Vegas. Two of our other friends met there as well.
One of the activities that we did for the weekend was to go to a Trunk or Treat
all dressed up as the whole gang from the Disney cartoon Peter Pan. We arrived
at the activity that evening but we did not have any food to contribute, and my
friend’s husband hadn’t purchased any candy for the Trunk or Treat. One friend
and I decided to head to the store to at least get some candy. My friend and I
were the Lost Boys of the group, so she was dressed as a raccoon and I, dressed
as a skunk, hurry into Smith’s to get candy and get out as quickly as possible.
At the check out counter, the cashier asked if I had a Smith’s card. I told
her, “No. We aren’t from here.” She asked where we were from and I couldn’t
help myself in saying, “Never Never Land, of course.” I’m sure the cashier rolled
her eyes as we walked out the door. But it got me thinking about how my friend
and I were “Lost Boys.” Could people tell that we were more than just a skunk
and raccoon? We weren’t with our main group so they couldn’t see Peter Pan,
Captain Hook, Wendy, and Smee waiting for us at the church – we were really
just “Lost Boys” and yet, we had a whole group that we belonged to. As I tried
to find a conference talk to share with you, I admit that “The Doctrine of
Belonging” caught my eye. I have moved and visited many places and have met
people of all kinds and cultures, so, I wanted to use Elder Christofferson’s
talk today to share some of his thoughts and mine on what it means to belong.
There are three parts to this. The first is “The Role
of belonging in gathering the Lord’s covenant people”
2. The importance of service and sacrifice in belonging, and
3, how Jesus Christ is central to belonging.
Elder Christofferson points out that the church began
with a small group of white North American and Northern European saints with a
handful of Native Americans, African Americans, and Pacific Islanders. Almost
200 years later those numbers have increased and include people from outside
the United States than inside. I have seen this myself as we have traveled
throughout the world. People from all countries and ethnicities attend church
meetings that are just the same as the one that we will have today. Youth are
taught to have high moral characters, values, and standards. Adults are taught
to love God and to love their families. Children are welcomed into primaries
all over the world and are taught songs of praise that will stay with them
their whole life. There is no exception to who is welcome at our church. If you
have ever watched “The Chosen,” which tries its best to document in video form
the life of Jesus Christ as we know it from Bible sources, you might notice
that Jesus is surrounded by, “the weirdos”, those who are shunned from society
and feel as if they are outcasts. The Savior welcomes them into his fold and
loves them unconditionally. He encourages them to become better and to seek for
higher things, but He accepts them as they are. I recall a man in our ward in
Ohio. Every Sunday he would attend wearing his hoodie that said, “The Devil has
a restraining order against me.” He belonged. In Texas, a dear friend in my YW
presidency struggles with alcoholism. She belongs. My friend, who is a Bishop’s
wife, hates doing service. She still belongs. Those who aren’t their best
selves, don’t do crafts, yell at their children, crash their cars, succumb to
weaknesses and addictions, have many doubts – all these still belong. The
Savior is seeking these “Lost Boys” because He is for everyone.
A few years ago, as people started to leave the
church in large numbers, I was pondering on why this was happening. What makes
someone decide to become a Lost boy? I know that this is a sensitive subject
with a plethora of reasons, but I have some general thoughts on the matter and the
inspiration that has come to me as I have studied this. Many people who leave the
church still love the Savior, but they may not feel that they can measure up to
certain standards. People leave because they are offended by another or by
church policy or material found on the church website. People leave because church
is boring, and they find that there are other things that fill them
spiritually. These are all real and valid reasons. We have this one short life
to live and if something loses meaning then we forsake it. However, there is only
one place to get the covenants and the Priesthood. God has only authorized one
prophet and a set of apostles to facilitate the organization of His church.
These men aren’t perfect, and we should not expect them to be. They speak truth
and give us guidance for our life. They are a lighthouse on a stormy sea as we
try to navigate what is right and wrong in this upside down world. I can’t
pretend to say that all the things that the church does are things that I agree
with, but what I do know is that by choosing to belong, I am allowing the
ordinances and covenants that I made guide me for what I need in my life. I
choose to belong because there are promises and powers made to those who stay. There
is no requirement that you must understand and agree with all the things you
hear from pulpits or in church articles. No requirement to be free from sin and
addiction. No expectation that you have to love the temple or Relief Society or
nursery. The only thing you have to desire is to love the Savior and then want
to be better.
In his First Epistle to the Corinthians, Paul declares that all who are
baptized into the Church are one in the body of Christ:
“For as the body is one, and hath
many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body:
so also is Christ.
“For by one Spirit are we all
baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or
free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit. …
“That there should be no schism in
the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.
“And whether one member suffer,
all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice
with it.”5
Almost 14 years ago, from this very pulpit, I spoke
at my sister’s funeral. She was a “lost boy” and felt like she didn’t belong.
Her life was tumultuous and difficult and ended far too soon. Ironically, her
funeral was attended by so many people, many of them being people who she felt
judged by or excluded from. I have thought about her life often and wondered how
things could have been different. I have no good insights on that, though. Her difficult
choices taught me many lessons that I have referenced as I have interacted with
others in my callings and friendships. Our Savior’s gospel of belonging has to
mean that even the people who are difficult to love are still included in His
fold. Why would we do temple work for people we have never met or know anything
about? If we fulfill the temple ordinances for our ancestors who may have been
very wicked people, then is there not hope for all of us when we meet the
Savior? First Samuel 16:7 says, The
Lord doesn’t see as man sees. Men look on the outward appearance, but the Lord
looketh on the heart.” He cares about our desires and longings
and what we are becoming. He doesn’t measure us based on our church
attendance, car we drive, or money in the bank. My sister had
a good heart. It is just that sometimes her methods were questionable. I can’t
even begin to speculate how the Lord would judge her and I try to remember that
as I encounter His other Lost Boys.
So many of you deal with very difficult things. Let me
ask you some rhetorical questions - What keeps you coming back to the Savior?
How do you prevent yourself from becoming lost? Elder Christofferson quotes, “The
Savior invites us to come unto Him-no matter our circumstances.” Becoming like
Him only makes us better.
A second facet of belonging is what you bring
to the table. Elder Christofferson says, “Although we rarely think about it,
much of our belonging comes from our service and the sacrifices we make for
others and for the Lord. Excessive focus on our personal needs or our own
comfort can frustrate that sense of belonging.” Even the Savior –
the greatest of us all – did not come to be ministered to, but to minister to
others. I have 2 friends who claim that they hate doing service. This was interesting
to me because it is something most people don’t vocally confess and I happen to
like doing service, so I had to think about this for a while. What we actually
figured out was that they do service that brings them joy – one of them loves
to bake for her friends, super fancy things. She is also someone who enjoys
spending hours at the gym. She served myself and others by teaching what all
the equipment does at the gym. The other friend loves to make pretty things and
cook fun meals for her family. Is this not a form of service? Service isn’t doing
things that you loathe but feel obligated to do. Service is whatever you
make of it. Taking time to think of someone other than yourself is all the Lord
asks.
Elder Christofferson shares a story, “Today,
unfortunately, consecrating oneself to a cause or sacrificing anything for
anyone else is becoming countercultural. In a piece for Deseret
Magazine last year, author Rod Dreher recounted a conversation with a
young mother in Budapest:
“I am on a Budapest tram with a …
friend in her early 30s—let’s call her Kristina—while we are on the way to
interview an older [Christian] woman who, with her late husband, withstood
persecution by the communist state. As we bump along the city’s streets,
Kristina talks about how hard it is to be honest with friends her age about the
struggles she faces as a wife and mother of young children.
“Kristina’s difficulties are
completely ordinary for a young woman learning how to be a mom and a wife—yet
the prevailing attitude among her generation is that life’s difficulties are a
threat to one’s well-being and should be refused. Do she and her husband argue
at times? Then she should leave him, they say. Are her children annoying her?
Then she should send them to day care.
“Kristina worries that her friends
don’t grasp that trials, and even suffering, are a normal part of life—and
maybe even part of a good life, if that suffering teaches us how to be patient,
kind and loving. …
“… University of Notre Dame
sociologist of religion Christian Smith found in his study of adults [ages] 18
to 23 that most of them believe society is nothing more than ‘a collection of
autonomous individuals out to enjoy life.’”13
By this philosophy, anything that
one finds difficult “is a form of oppression.”
What does that make you think of? Are there things in your life where you are
thinking too much about yourself and how difficult things are? This will only weigh
you down and provide no uplift to your life. Those who have served missions, or spent countless
hours in callings, jobs, or assignments have usually seen the person that they have
become as better because of that service and sacrifice. Parents who
struggle through raising children, especially difficult ones, may find great
rewards later… and some even after this life. Shying away from doing hard things
will not produce growth that you may need in order to become the person that
you wanted to become.
Lastly, we prevent ourselves from becoming a lost boy
in this church by remembering that we are here to become closer to Jesus. As
amazing as the fellowship and friendships can be, if you are not here for your
relationship with the Savior, then it won’t be enough to sustain you. He is
everything.
A while back, I was listening to a lady talk about
the culture of the church. My mom is a convert from Detroit, Michigan so I wasn’t
raised with a lot of the culture that my friends would talk about – other than
Donny Osmond. I had to research to figure out what was culture and what was
doctrine. My prayers to Heavenly Father on this quest led me to a book called “Doctrines
of the Gospel.” It is actually a manual in the Gospel Library that just teaches
the Doctrines. It goes through all the basic principles and pieces of knowledge
that bring us closer to Christ. There is nothing of the culture in it and it
is glorious. I came to understand how sometimes people get caught up in the
culture of the church – wearing the trendiest ties and socks, or fancy dresses
with all the right jewelry. Having a nice boat, house at the lake,
being a world traveler. Some people believe that material wealth is
tied to righteousness. It is not. The church is about helping
you become closer to your Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. His
doctrine is pure and lacks many of things that we may consume our time with. Taking
the time to study this, helped me understand the real reasons why the Gospel is
perfect – notice that I said “The Gospel” and not the church. They are 2
separate things. The gospel and the doctrines should be why you stay. The
church is like a jewelry box that holds the pearl that is the gospel. There may
be times when the church leaves you feeling like a Lost Boy, but the Gospel is
all-inclusive. Our Savior desires all to come unto Him and to partake in his
covenants and ordinances. Our job is to be kind and loving to those who are
trying to do that even if their methods are different than ours.
In closing, there may be times when we find ourselves
in Never never land and struggling to make progress and grow up. If you find
yourself at that crossroad, yoke yourself with the Savior. As Elder
Christofferson teaches - Remember your covenants. Find some way that
you enjoy serving others. Prepare to sacrifice comforts in an attempt to
become better and kinder. Some of the coolest people I know have gone
through the hardest of trials. And lastly, if you love your Savior or at least
want to learn more about Him, then you belong.
I know that my
Savior lives. He came to this earth, suffered for not only our sins but He also
chose to suffer for all the hard things that we would experience. He understood
that He wouldn’t know how to succor us if he hadn’t felt these same feelings
and pains himself. He knows you, your trials, your heartaches and joys. I know
that He knows mine. I am grateful for all the things that being a member of
this church provides me. It may not be perfect, but I love the people and
programs in their attempts to make our lives better and to make us better
people. I hope that some words from my family’s talks have touched your heart today
and remind you of God’s love for you.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
