Lost Boys - A Talk on Belonging

 

Last weekend I was able to go on a girl’s trip to see a friend who had moved to Vegas. Two of our other friends met there as well. One of the activities that we did for the weekend was to go to a Trunk or Treat all dressed up as the whole gang from the Disney cartoon Peter Pan. We arrived at the activity that evening but we did not have any food to contribute, and my friend’s husband hadn’t purchased any candy for the Trunk or Treat. One friend and I decided to head to the store to at least get some candy. My friend and I were the Lost Boys of the group, so she was dressed as a raccoon and I, dressed as a skunk, hurry into Smith’s to get candy and get out as quickly as possible. At the check out counter, the cashier asked if I had a Smith’s card. I told her, “No. We aren’t from here.” She asked where we were from and I couldn’t help myself in saying, “Never Never Land, of course.” I’m sure the cashier rolled her eyes as we walked out the door. But it got me thinking about how my friend and I were “Lost Boys.” Could people tell that we were more than just a skunk and raccoon? We weren’t with our main group so they couldn’t see Peter Pan, Captain Hook, Wendy, and Smee waiting for us at the church – we were really just “Lost Boys” and yet, we had a whole group that we belonged to. As I tried to find a conference talk to share with you, I admit that “The Doctrine of Belonging” caught my eye. I have moved and visited many places and have met people of all kinds and cultures, so, I wanted to use Elder Christofferson’s talk today to share some of his thoughts and mine on what it means to belong.

There are three parts to this. The first is “The Role of belonging in gathering the Lord’s covenant people”
2. The importance of service and sacrifice in belonging, and
3, how Jesus Christ is central to belonging.

Elder Christofferson points out that the church began with a small group of white North American and Northern European saints with a handful of Native Americans, African Americans, and Pacific Islanders. Almost 200 years later those numbers have increased and include people from outside the United States than inside. I have seen this myself as we have traveled throughout the world. People from all countries and ethnicities attend church meetings that are just the same as the one that we will have today. Youth are taught to have high moral characters, values, and standards. Adults are taught to love God and to love their families. Children are welcomed into primaries all over the world and are taught songs of praise that will stay with them their whole life. There is no exception to who is welcome at our church. If you have ever watched “The Chosen,” which tries its best to document in video form the life of Jesus Christ as we know it from Bible sources, you might notice that Jesus is surrounded by, “the weirdos”, those who are shunned from society and feel as if they are outcasts. The Savior welcomes them into his fold and loves them unconditionally. He encourages them to become better and to seek for higher things, but He accepts them as they are. I recall a man in our ward in Ohio. Every Sunday he would attend wearing his hoodie that said, “The Devil has a restraining order against me.” He belonged. In Texas, a dear friend in my YW presidency struggles with alcoholism. She belongs. My friend, who is a Bishop’s wife, hates doing service. She still belongs. Those who aren’t their best selves, don’t do crafts, yell at their children, crash their cars, succumb to weaknesses and addictions, have many doubts – all these still belong. The Savior is seeking these “Lost Boys” because He is for everyone.

A few years ago, as people started to leave the church in large numbers, I was pondering on why this was happening. What makes someone decide to become a Lost boy? I know that this is a sensitive subject with a plethora of reasons, but I have some general thoughts on the matter and the inspiration that has come to me as I have studied this. Many people who leave the church still love the Savior, but they may not feel that they can measure up to certain standards. People leave because they are offended by another or by church policy or material found on the church website. People leave because church is boring, and they find that there are other things that fill them spiritually. These are all real and valid reasons. We have this one short life to live and if something loses meaning then we forsake it. However, there is only one place to get the covenants and the Priesthood. God has only authorized one prophet and a set of apostles to facilitate the organization of His church. These men aren’t perfect, and we should not expect them to be. They speak truth and give us guidance for our life. They are a lighthouse on a stormy sea as we try to navigate what is right and wrong in this upside down world. I can’t pretend to say that all the things that the church does are things that I agree with, but what I do know is that by choosing to belong, I am allowing the ordinances and covenants that I made guide me for what I need in my life. I choose to belong because there are promises and powers made to those who stay. There is no requirement that you must understand and agree with all the things you hear from pulpits or in church articles. No requirement to be free from sin and addiction. No expectation that you have to love the temple or Relief Society or nursery. The only thing you have to desire is to love the Savior and then want to be better.
In his First Epistle to the Corinthians, Paul declares that all who are baptized into the Church are one in the body of Christ:

“For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.

“For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit. …

“That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.

“And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.”5

Almost 14 years ago, from this very pulpit, I spoke at my sister’s funeral. She was a “lost boy” and felt like she didn’t belong. Her life was tumultuous and difficult and ended far too soon. Ironically, her funeral was attended by so many people, many of them being people who she felt judged by or excluded from. I have thought about her life often and wondered how things could have been different. I have no good insights on that, though. Her difficult choices taught me many lessons that I have referenced as I have interacted with others in my callings and friendships. Our Savior’s gospel of belonging has to mean that even the people who are difficult to love are still included in His fold. Why would we do temple work for people we have never met or know anything about? If we fulfill the temple ordinances for our ancestors who may have been very wicked people, then is there not hope for all of us when we meet the Savior?  First Samuel 16:7 says, The Lord doesn’t see as man sees. Men look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” He cares about our desires and longings and what we are becoming. He doesn’t measure us based on our church attendance, car we drive, or money in the bank. My sister had a good heart. It is just that sometimes her methods were questionable. I can’t even begin to speculate how the Lord would judge her and I try to remember that as I encounter His other Lost Boys.

So many of you deal with very difficult things. Let me ask you some rhetorical questions - What keeps you coming back to the Savior? How do you prevent yourself from becoming lost? Elder Christofferson quotes, “The Savior invites us to come unto Him-no matter our circumstances.” Becoming like Him only makes us better.

A second facet of belonging is what you bring to the table. Elder Christofferson says, “Although we rarely think about it, much of our belonging comes from our service and the sacrifices we make for others and for the Lord. Excessive focus on our personal needs or our own comfort can frustrate that sense of belonging.” Even the Savior – the greatest of us all – did not come to be ministered to, but to minister to others. I have 2 friends who claim that they hate doing service. This was interesting to me because it is something most people don’t vocally confess and I happen to like doing service, so I had to think about this for a while. What we actually figured out was that they do service that brings them joy – one of them loves to bake for her friends, super fancy things. She is also someone who enjoys spending hours at the gym. She served myself and others by teaching what all the equipment does at the gym. The other friend loves to make pretty things and cook fun meals for her family. Is this not a form of service? Service isn’t doing things that you loathe but feel obligated to do. Service is whatever you make of it. Taking time to think of someone other than yourself is all the Lord asks.

Elder Christofferson shares a story, “Today, unfortunately, consecrating oneself to a cause or sacrificing anything for anyone else is becoming countercultural. In a piece for Deseret Magazine last year, author Rod Dreher recounted a conversation with a young mother in Budapest:

“I am on a Budapest tram with a … friend in her early 30s—let’s call her Kristina—while we are on the way to interview an older [Christian] woman who, with her late husband, withstood persecution by the communist state. As we bump along the city’s streets, Kristina talks about how hard it is to be honest with friends her age about the struggles she faces as a wife and mother of young children.

“Kristina’s difficulties are completely ordinary for a young woman learning how to be a mom and a wife—yet the prevailing attitude among her generation is that life’s difficulties are a threat to one’s well-being and should be refused. Do she and her husband argue at times? Then she should leave him, they say. Are her children annoying her? Then she should send them to day care.

“Kristina worries that her friends don’t grasp that trials, and even suffering, are a normal part of life—and maybe even part of a good life, if that suffering teaches us how to be patient, kind and loving. …

“… University of Notre Dame sociologist of religion Christian Smith found in his study of adults [ages] 18 to 23 that most of them believe society is nothing more than ‘a collection of autonomous individuals out to enjoy life.’”13

By this philosophy, anything that one finds difficult “is a form of oppression.”

What does that make you think of? Are there things in your life where you are thinking too much about yourself and how difficult things are? This will only weigh you down and provide no uplift to your life.  Those who have served missions, or spent countless hours in callings, jobs, or assignments have usually seen the person that they have become as better because of that service and sacrifice. Parents who struggle through raising children, especially difficult ones, may find great rewards later… and some even after this life. Shying away from doing hard things will not produce growth that you may need in order to become the person that you wanted to become.

Lastly, we prevent ourselves from becoming a lost boy in this church by remembering that we are here to become closer to Jesus. As amazing as the fellowship and friendships can be, if you are not here for your relationship with the Savior, then it won’t be enough to sustain you. He is everything.

A while back, I was listening to a lady talk about the culture of the church. My mom is a convert from Detroit, Michigan so I wasn’t raised with a lot of the culture that my friends would talk about – other than Donny Osmond. I had to research to figure out what was culture and what was doctrine. My prayers to Heavenly Father on this quest led me to a book called “Doctrines of the Gospel.” It is actually a manual in the Gospel Library that just teaches the Doctrines. It goes through all the basic principles and pieces of knowledge that bring us closer to Christ. There is nothing of the culture in it and it is glorious. I came to understand how sometimes people get caught up in the culture of the church – wearing the trendiest ties and socks, or fancy dresses with all the right jewelry. Having a nice boat, house at the lake, being a world traveler. Some people believe that material wealth is tied to righteousness. It is not. The church is about helping you become closer to your Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. His doctrine is pure and lacks many of things that we may consume our time with. Taking the time to study this, helped me understand the real reasons why the Gospel is perfect – notice that I said “The Gospel” and not the church. They are 2 separate things. The gospel and the doctrines should be why you stay. The church is like a jewelry box that holds the pearl that is the gospel. There may be times when the church leaves you feeling like a Lost Boy, but the Gospel is all-inclusive. Our Savior desires all to come unto Him and to partake in his covenants and ordinances. Our job is to be kind and loving to those who are trying to do that even if their methods are different than ours.

In closing, there may be times when we find ourselves in Never never land and struggling to make progress and grow up. If you find yourself at that crossroad, yoke yourself with the Savior. As Elder Christofferson teaches - Remember your covenants. Find some way that you enjoy serving others. Prepare to sacrifice comforts in an attempt to become better and kinder. Some of the coolest people I know have gone through the hardest of trials. And lastly, if you love your Savior or at least want to learn more about Him, then you belong.

 I know that my Savior lives. He came to this earth, suffered for not only our sins but He also chose to suffer for all the hard things that we would experience. He understood that He wouldn’t know how to succor us if he hadn’t felt these same feelings and pains himself. He knows you, your trials, your heartaches and joys. I know that He knows mine. I am grateful for all the things that being a member of this church provides me. It may not be perfect, but I love the people and programs in their attempts to make our lives better and to make us better people. I hope that some words from my family’s talks have touched your heart today and remind you of God’s love for you.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Financial advice?

Have you ever asked yourself these questions:

1. Why do I have to decide if I am going to donate my organs when I am getting my license? Do those 2 things have a correlation?

2. How much Social Security will I get when I retire?

3. If I get injured fighting off a bear at my door because someone left some banana bread out there, what kind of disability insurance should I have?

4. What happens to my spouse's pension when they die? Do I still get it?

5. I need my kids to go to college so I can live off their income. How can I make that happen?

6. What can I invest in so that I can build a mansion and sit on my hoarded coins like Scrooge McDuck?

7. Is my life insurance through my work enough?

8. How can I make sure that my retirement funds last as long as I do?

9. I don't like my kids. Can I afford boarding school?

10. How can I pay as little of taxes as possible?

If you have found yourself pondering any of these things, I have the answers! Except for #1 - I still don't know why you don't decide that at the doctor's office or somewhere where that would be a logical conversation.

I have been practicing finance for many years now. I do taxes for people, I have taught personal finances classes and lessons. I have probably seemed a little nosy at times because I ask about all things finance for my friends - I assure you, it is only to see if I can help with finances, not to blackmail you. So I am really excited and feel like Heavenly Father has led me to this point in my life where I am making a career out of it. I am going to be a financial planner with New York Life Company. I have written a more detailed blog about how I have come to this decision  but I hope that God will bring people to me who need my help. I love to help people and I am really good at finances so please please send people to me who can use help with anything finance related. It's totally free to talk and it can bring a lot of peace to your life - especially if you want to send those kids off to boarding school. I still need a bit of training but think about it and let me know if this is something that you might want to talk about. I assure you, I am a really fun and smart person. The conversation won't be dull and you could be a zoom meeting away from feeling like you are prepared for whatever comes in this crazy world.

If you want to read the more detailed story go here: My Life's Calling

My life's calling

I woke up this morning at 4:30 just excited because I finally have had all the pieces click together to get to this moment. I lay awake thinking of clever, creative ways to announce my new focus and career path. I finally just got out of bed and decided to write. But when I got to my computer and wrote it all down it wasn't as funny or clever. It was just like a testimony, essentially. I wrote a second version and it was pretty much the same. So if you are reading this blog post it is probably because you like to read or you just like me. I have an idea for how to write the clever one, though, so if you are looking for more lighthearted, then check that one out. Either way, I hope that you are excited for me as I take on a new world.

Blog post #1

Ever since the housing market crash of 2008 - which we fully participated in by owning 3 fancy houses that we lost - I have tried to become more educated on finances. Prior to that time we were chasing easy money and wanted to be wealthy like our friends who seemed to be making plenty to spare. As always, our timing was wrong and we only ended up with debt that was like, I don't know, 20 times the amount of our annual income. If you aren't a numbers person, just know that this is bad. Very very bad. I'm still grateful we didn't end up in prison. In fact, we belonged in debtor's prison, however England ended that in 1869. But "debtor's prison" is a real place for many people.
Anyway, this hard-knocks education really turned me around into wanting to learn more about finances. I wanted to help people not be us - dumb and totally broke - maybe even less than broke.

Since that time, I have gotten my Bachelor's degree in Consumer and Family Finance, I have facilitated 6 or 7 Personal Finance Self Reliance courses (and 2 How to Start a Business courses) through our church and have gone into homes to try to help people set up a budget and become financially stable. In the meantime I have worked at random jobs - substitute teaching, admin work, accounting stuff, etc. but they are always temporary and not really fulfilling. Since we move so often it has been hard to find something that would fit my talents and let me relocate regularly. I have prayed for the last 3 years to find a career and not just a job.

I've asked God to just tell me what He wants me to do and I would do it. He doesn't do that apparently. He said something about it being my choice. Ugh! So I have searched and pondered and tried to figure out what my talents are - I like neatly organized spreadsheets, talking to people, and reading, - you know - really boring stuff to most people.

So now we have arrived in Texas. We move here during Covid, we have only made a few friends, my grandfather passes away, and my husband gets a last minute deployment assignment. The Lord and I have had some interesting conversations as of late. And I am still trying to find my place in the world. So I start networking, playing on LinkedIn, having zoom meetings with people I don't know, telling my kids not to bother me most of the day - My kids are thinking, "I don't think my mom works but she is on meetings as much as my dad, so I don't know..."

Anyway, after chasing one thing after another, I get connected with a financial advisor. I have a great meeting with him. Then someone tells me to connect with another financial advisor. And another. And soon I have met with a bunch of financial advisors and I come to realize that everything they are saying is what I want. I have spent the last 3 years educating people on finances, asking personal questions and trying to help them know what to do. This all borders on just being nosy because I have no official credentials and I usually say, "I'm a finance person" because I don't know how to describe my randomness of abilities.

So fast forward a bit. I have been flirting with 3 different companies. I have listened to their spiel, talked about it, thought about it, and prayed - of course. But today, after weeks and months and years of trying to find the "right" thing for me, I have finally found a home. I am going to be a financial advisor with New York Life! I know, I know, that is the most boring announcement that I could have made but I am actually so excited. I have a talent for talking to people, making them feel valued, understanding their needs and desires - financially, and honestly money doesn't motivate me so I just want to help people to not be us back in '08. I want to help people make better decisions, know what the plan is if someone passes away, and have someone to call when that kind of craziness happens, or if you have tax questions, or investment questions, etc. I want to be that person who you can go to for those things. I am smart. I am good at it. And my integrity is everything to me. I would never want to take advantage or put my friends into a situation that benefits me more than them.

I've asked Heavenly Father to help me with this. I hope that He will lead people to me who want or need my help. It sounds like because of Covid, this job is now something I can do because no one is meeting face to face so the industry has come to accept that tele-meetings are acceptable. This means that I can help anyone, anywhere. If I move, it won't matter because my people are still accessible via the internet. I really couldn't be more excited. I believe that God will lead people to me and that we will all benefit from this.

So I haven't even been hired by New York Life yet but I feel a great peace and excitement when I think about the knowledge I will learn and the people I will get to help. I don't want to be someone who nags my friends all the time so I hope that after I get the word out there, I might have people who know and trust me bring those who are seeking help my way. Obviously we have the military as our main job so this is just something I want to do. I want to help people and I want to use the same wisdom and guidance that I have been taught through my college classes, the church's curriculum on finances, and from my own experiences - which have been many.

So this isn't my typical post. It is more like a journal entry, but I am happy and finally feel like I might have this hobby of mine move into a career. So if you have read this not-very-funny blog post to this point, I hope that you will send people my way who want to have a good conversation, become educated on their own finances, and get to visit with a really fun person!

Blog post #2

So I found my life's purpose this week!
You weren't expecting that, were you?
I call myself a finance person but I haven't had official training in that capacity. So basically, I am just a nosy do-gooder who wants to help people in the financial arena. I do taxes for people, I create budget and teach classes, and will gladly engage in a conversation about all the dumb things we have done to not be wealthy. I have spent a lot of time trying to find the right fit for this obsession and interest but it has always seemed to elude me as we move so often and have to start over every other year or so.
Now that we have come to Texas and the world is upside down and Jeremy left on a deployment I have really struggled to figure out a purpose for myself and something that I can do with these strange talents I have. I have prayed and fasted and pondered and discussed and kept coming back to one thing. I am a finance person and I love serving others. I guess that's 2 things. But what can I do with that?

Back when I was facilitating some personal finance classes there came a point in the lessons where I was supposed to invite a financial advisor to come and be a guest speaker. Almost all of my classes would sit and brainstorm to see if we knew anyone who could come and speak. Only once did we get someone and he didn't even practice being an advisor anymore. This has stuck with me because I
know the value of having a financial advisor.

...I'm sure you can see where this is leading....

I've had a few life experiences that have led me into the finance industry.
So you've probably heard me talk about my sister. She died in a plane crash in 2009. This was a rough time, to say the least. She was totally broke, eating ramen noodles to live off of, and just struggling to survive, however, she had a life insurance policy that cost her less than $5 a month that she hadn't cancelled. When she died, our family had a little $25,000 policy that enabled us to take care of all the craziness and logistics of a funeral and all that comes with this kind of sudden death. If you knew the peace and assurance that came from having that money... oh my goodness.

Before we joined the military, we sat down with a financial advisor and talked about all things finances. We could hardly afford anything but we were able to make a plan and we knew what our long term goals were. Having a financial advisor enabled us to think and talk about things that you don't normally bring up while watching your favorite Netflix shows - "Honey, what is our plan if you don't make it back from the grocery store?" or "What can we do to make sure our kids can afford college?" These are all things you can openly discuss. It's like getting a check up from the doctor. If I was a health professional, I would probably try to diagnose all your ailments too. I just love to help people. I love to teach. I seek wisdom and learning all the time.

So I'm sure you have figured it out. I have decided to become a financial advisor. (I know you were hoping for something more exciting - we got Seaworld passes - Yay! Does that help?)
The funny thing is, I have not actually been hired on yet as I am being really picky about where I throw my hat in. If I am going to ask my friends if I can help them, then I want to stay with a good company that won't get bought out and I don't want to be forced to sell things my people don't need or want. In the end, I have chosen New York Life as the company I want to work for. They are the number one in life insurance in the industry. They are totally stable. I don't charge people to sit and talk to them. I get all the training I could possibly want. I have access to lawyers, accountants, and investment officers and can fully service anyone who God directs my way. I think that has been what has stuck with me as I have finally come to this conclusion - Heavenly Father has almost forced me this direction. There are easy jobs that I should have gotten by now - even temporary ones - but it's like those offers have been blocked by some spiritual phone filter. I think that He is trying to make this path clear because there are people He needs me to help.

I am actually really excited about this - which is surprising because it is kind of a marketing/sales job. But I believe that Heavenly Father has people who need what I can offer. I don't care about the money and I won't push things on people. My integrity matters more to me than almost anything and I feel like I am a good and honorable person. So I am hoping my friends and family will feel the same way. I will be able to offer anything financially - if you need help writing a budget, if you need to know if your spouse gets your pension when you die, if you want to invest but aren't sure how, if you want to talk about life insurance or kids college funds, I want to be your person. I am really excited about this although this might be my most boring blog post. But I hope that my friends and family will see me as a resource and will give me a shout when they are ready to have these conversations.

Please email, call write, text - even if I wasn't going to do this professionally, you could contact me and I would help - but now I will have knowledge! Knowledge! I'm so excited!

A Practical Gift Giver

Before I begin this story, I need to tell another story - I am a practical gift giver. I can't handle giving gifts that have no functional use. There was a party I attended where we were told to bring an item that tells about ourselves for a gift exchange. While other ladies brought candles and lotion and nail polish, I brought a package of sugar. I like to bake, I like sweet treats, and you know that anyone can use a package of sugar.
I can still see the look on the girl's face who got my gift. It said, "Thanks for being weird." You're welcome.

So with that I will tell this story...

I recently had a conundrum that I feel others can relate to. We've had a lot of houses sold on our street and I have wanted to welcome these new neighbors to our little corner of San Antonio. I made some banana bread and wanted to take it over to a neighbor but then I was swarmed by all these concerns of why this might not be well received. As I let these thoughts fester I came to the conclusion that there might be 15 reasons why a person might not take baked goods to the neighbor anymore. Here they are:

1. Maybe they won't like what I made.

2. Maybe they are on the Keto diet.

3. Maybe they are gluten-free.

4. Maybe they are worried that someone spit on this food item.

5. Maybe they want me to wear a mask when I bring it over.

6. Maybe they will think my mask is ugly.

7. Maybe they think I have Covid.

8. Maybe I have Covid.

9. Maybe they have Covid.

10. Maybe they distrust all strangers.

11. Maybe their doorbell doesn't work and when I leave it on the porch a bear comes to eat it and he is waiting out there for them the next time they open the door.

12. Maybe they are vegetarians.

13. Maybe they don't eat food.

14. Maybe they wonder if I have an unsanitary kitchen.

15. Maybe they wonder if it is the 1960's again - when people bring over baked goods to welcome them to the neighborhood.

So when all these reasons caused some serious self doubt about the delivery of baked goods, I decided to move forward with providing a welcome gift anyway. What do you think I did?

...wait...before I tell you, I want you to think about how wise this gift is. It's a hot commodity and it's incredibly useful. Just keep that in mind.

So what did I do?
We ate the banana bread and I brought them a pack of toilet paper as a house warming gift.

Welcome to Texas!

Kid Swap?

To my dearest friend who has entrusted me to watch your daughter:

We had an incident tonight that I feel obligated to tell you about. First I would like to give you some background information on how we ended up in this situation. It all started with a Zoom conference with a friend that went a little longer than we expected. We hadn't had dinner and it was after 8:00 pm. I had promised the girls that we would take them to Chinese. We headed out to a Chinese restaurant that was 10 miles away and was closing in about as many minutes. To add insult to injury our car informed us that we had 10 miles until our gasoline would be empty.
We are valiantly following Google Maps as it leads us on the most convoluted journey through freeway entrances and exits, down frontage roads, and across mile-high overpasses as if tempting fate to allow the night to get really ugly. Being hangry wasn't quite enough of a price to pay, we are watching the miles on the car gauge drop to 4 and the miles to the destination increase. There was a slight amount of yelling involved where one of us was saying that we need gasoline and the other saying that we need food.
After a quick stop for gas, we scurried over to the Chinese restaurant. Unfortunately, it closed early to deep clean. No go.
Our second option, another Chinese restaurant close by, was also closing. It also would not let us sit down so we headed out that door too.
At that point, we looked around and decided to find anything that was open - and just ahead of us was a glowing neon green sign. There were cars all around it which indicated human life and a place for people to sit and eat. It was a winner.

We park and hurry to the door. I look inside and see many bar-like tables with young lively people enjoying their time indoors. I walk in and go to the desk to make sure that we can bring children in. I was assured that we could. I then begin to process what I am looking at. For some reason I can see a lot of cleavage. I take another step back and realize that I can see many things on this girl's body - and we aren't at the beach. She leads us to the table where another girl attends us who is wearing - or not wearing - the same thing. As we sit there it occurs to me why there would be a lot of cars outside a restaurant at 9:00 on a Tuesday night - especially when there is a virus running around.
It was only when I head to the bathroom and I had to choose between "Sit-2-P" and "Stand-2-P" that I realize that I am not the right clientele for this establishment. I have brought these cute 13 year old girls into a modern day Hooters and it was too late to leave.
As Jeremy and I were leaving, we discussed how we ended up at this place. A faint memory of someone telling us about this restaurant's name "Twin Peaks" came to mind. As I recall the friend's comment, "the name does not mean 2 mountain tops" I realize that we aren't in Kansas anymore. Consider yourself warned.

So to end our night we got to discuss with our two 13 year old girls why this is an appealing business for some girls - lots of drunk men and tips - and why the food wasn't good - because the menfolk don't care - and that it might be good to set some goals for your life, and maybe make better plans so that you don't end up taking your kids places they might be seen as prey.

My dearest friend, I am sorry for our ignorance and lack of planning. I am very sure that we will all remember this night and not repeat it. I do recognize the disparity in our level of responsible-ness as you feed my son snacks and watch wholesome shows on Netflix and I have taken your daughter out to a place that is one pole shy of a strip club. If you don't want to kid swap again, I will understand.

Sincerely,

Irresponsible mom

Tribute to my grandfather

Robert South, an English clergyman said, “If there be any truer measure of a man than by what he does, it must be by what he gives.” Using both of those standards, my grandfather must need the longest measuring tape available to understand his greatness.

This humble man was born in Malad, Idaho on July 30, 1933. Things were tough for their family as his father was unable to work due to an inherited medical condition. His mother, the rock of their family, carried the burden of providing for their family and she worked so hard to ensure that they survived. Lyle even said that one summer, they survived on eggs. There was no shortage of sacrifice and tough times for Lyle’s family during his youth.

Some tidbits about him during his younger years are that he thought that his friend Lowell Davis was telling him a tale when Lowell explained a new invention called the television.

At the age of 12 he worked all summer. This enabled him to buy a bicycle for $35. He didn’t know how to ride it, but it wouldn’t take him long to learn.

He milked the cows, fed the pigs, and tended to the farm each day. This great man knew how to work! (Even my sister Amy explained in her journal at the age of 14, that Grampie had us moving 25 pound pipes around his yard when we were 5. My memories are a little different than hers, but we have learned that legacy of the benefits of work.)

I think that this tough beginning set Lyle off on a path to do and be better so that his future family wouldn’t suffer. This seemed to be so important to him.

I happened to find his patriarchal blessing in his room. I took that as consent to read it because he left it where I could find it. I would like to quote from it to show that the Lord knew who Lyle was and that he had a purpose and many talents that would be of use during his sojourn on the earth. It says, “If it is your desire the privilege, as the years come and go, will come to you to receive the blessings that are bestowed upon the faithful saints in the house of the Lord, and you will rejoice in the blessings, satisfaction, the peace of home and loved ones, and you shall not want for the necessary blessings and comforts of life, for the labors of your hands shall be prospered.” He received this blessing when he was 17. Our Lord knew his son, Lyle. And Lyle fulfilled all that was required of him. I can see how these blessings were fulfilled, especially when contrasted against the younger years of his life.

Heavenly Father blessed him with a large family. He felt that it was his duty and obligation to see that they were provided for. He often worked 2 jobs to ensure that his kids had the things that they needed – and maybe even some wants. He built his house, shed, and later his garage – even being featured in the newspaper. (This was a proud moment for him and he has several copies of that newspaper article in his room. I think he even made the front page.) His children had space to run, play, eat, sleep, and work. This was because of the great efforts of their father and mother as they raised 6 successful children.

As I spent time interviewing him about his life, I came to discover that he is so proud of his children and later his grandchildren and later his great grand-children. Every single one of them. His wall of frames is filled with all those pictures of these treasured people. He may not have been able to show affection in the ways of the world, but he spent time – using the talents bestowed upon him – fixing things, doing household repairs, tending the cows, watering the field, planting the garden, and creating and building useful items for each child, grandchild, in-law, great-grandchild, and even the neighbors and friends. Truly his efforts were magnified and his hands prospered.

Lyle loved praise, orange crush, cinnamon rolls with pink frosting, and being fed by a good cook, which he was lucky enough to have twice in his life – his mother and his wife. He loved to whistle while he worked and was a happy, quiet man who loved to work, loved life, his faith, and especially his family. The last part of his blessing states, “[you] will live to thank your Heavenly Father for your many blessings for his protecting care and for your accomplishments in life and you shall live to be a comfort to your parents and will be held in remembrance by your associates for the kindness of your heart, and your many acts of assistance to those in need of comfort and a kind word.” This blessing has been fulfilled completely.

I look at all that he has left for us – all these things that we will remember him by – our step stools, our cedar chests, and nightstands, the cabin, the shed, his house, the kayaks and the many other things that he has created with those hands! How many times I have used these items and remember that my grandfather loved me.

How can I really measure this grandfather of mine? What he did and what he gave are priceless examples to me of a great heritage that he has left behind. We are all recipients of his greatness. The potential to be as great as he is flows in our family’s bloodlines. I hope that we will all live up to our family name and that when we meet our father and grandfather and friend again on the other side of the veil, he will be able to say, along with our Savior and Redeemer, “Job well done.” I love you Grampie!

Around the world in February

I received the coolest little email from Google - well, it is cool if you don't worry about things like Big Brother and the government knowing all your secrets - but it was an email that showed me everywhere I have been in the month. According to Google's program of constant oversight in all aspects of my life, I have traveled 48% around the world. I feel like that is a gross over-exaggeration but then again, I am no geography wiz. February was full of new places, though.
My parents took my family to Hawaii in February. My sister, Amy, passed away in February so we are trying to make new memories instead of that sadness. This was a great trip and I have a lot of pictures I guess I could share but I really want someone else to do that because it seems like it is a lot of work. I will say that this was my favorite place:

Every day I would walk to the beach hut, pay for some lounge chairs and show the well-tanned caddy, who must not own a shirt, where to put the thing. I would just walk over there and be like, "you know the drill. Oh, and throw in a paddle board so I can watch these fools try to get on it." Then I would sit and try to read. Every day. I didn't read much because I am a people watcher and I was constantly interrupted because everyone wanted me to play with them. I think they forget that I am not that fun to play with. I just look like I could be fun.

Anyway, after coming home from the tropical island it was time to prepare for our next military move. I am sad to leave my friends here. We have been in Ohio for 5 years (3 years in Columbus and 2 years in Dayton). However, I am not sorry to say goodbye to "my tomb" also known as my tiny base house. Seriously, I don't understand the "tiny house" craze. This box has stripped me of my ability to entertain, has stolen my husband and made him a miserable ogre as he completed his thesis, and then took all my neighbors away after the tornado came through. The sun doesn't live in Ohio either so add a vitamin D deficiency to the mix and you might understand my harsh review on this state of affairs. 

San Antonio, Texas seems to be where the Lord wants us next. He has obviously heard my cries and sent me somewhere equivalent to hell - in temperature and humidity, at least. The houses are a lot bigger too so I know that He is making sure to counter balance all my complaints about Ohio. So Texas - I went there by myself last weekend to find a house for us to move in. It is really tough to move your kids when the school year is almost over. Unlike when you move in the summer, you have to be ready to hit the ground running on getting them into school and transferred over. It has been on my mind quite a bit.

So I took a flight to this Lone Star State and tried to be very frugal - staying at a La Quinta Motel, getting a cheap rental car, and only eating twice a day. (Honestly, I really wasn't hungry). Anyway, when I reserved my motel room I requested a king sized bed. I figured that I didn't have my kids or Jeremy with me - this would be a great opportunity to live it up a little. 

As I got into my room, I noticed that the bed was low to the ground. Weird, I  thought. Then I went in the bathroom and saw that there was no tub - it had a walk in shower with a chair... and then there was a handicapped parking spot right out in front of my door.

Lightbulb - I am in a handicapped room. Oh man! I am not sure how to feel about this. It was late so I just went to bed and carried on with the trip.

I went to look at houses the next day and found one that I liked but there were still more to see so I went out again on Saturday and found the most amazing house. I was so excited about it. My realtor convinced me to look at other houses just in case I didn't get that one, so I looked at a few more but by then I couldn't keep them straight and I knew what I wanted. I prayed about it and felt like the Lord said that either house (the one I liked on Friday or the one I loved on Saturday) would be fine. So I decided to sit on it and go check out the wards (church units) to see which one I liked best. Either one was fine. They have so many youth. One ward had 60 and the other had 40. My current ward in Ohio has maybe 16. I think my kids might be able to find a friend here - maybe...

So I just kept thinking about it.

Saturday night back at the La Quinta, I am lounging in my low-rider king sized bed when suddenly a party strikes up in the room next to me. It is one of those adjoining rooms where we have a door that we can both open. Now I love a good party, but this one was more like a drunken bachelor rave with music, banging on the walls, a guy screaming as if he was being tortured (later yelling, "OMG that was the worst wedgie I've ever had." with some expletives added in there.) Since that didn't seem to be slowing down as the night progressed I decided to request a room change. I knew I couldn't sleep like that. I walked to the front desk and requested a new room, which they were happy to give me until they realized that they didn't have any more handicapped rooms available. I assured them that I was able to take any room as long as it was away from that craziness. She handed me the keys to my new room and I grabbed my stuff to transfer it over. As I walked into the room, I was disappointed to find 2 full size beds at full height. They also had removed the fridge and microwave from the room. The shower was a normal tub with just one shower head (am I in America or have I somehow transferred to a 3rd world country). And there were no extra power outlets next to the bed. As I looked around I came to realize that I was at a disadvantage in being an able-bodied person. Where is my big bed? I don't have anywhere to put my leftover food, and am I really going to have to step over the tub rail to get in the shower? Dang that wedgie guy. I want my room back.

Finally, it was late Sunday night. I was thinking through my options and decided to move forward with applying for the house I loved. I filled out the application which requested everything - including my life history as well as a picture of our cat. Not sure if the urine sample comes later...

First thing Monday morning I called the rental company with my chipper, "Hey, I just applied for this house I love and..." which was met with, "Lady, we had 6 people submit rental applications for this house over the weekend. It is first come, first served."

I wanted to cry. What had I done? I think I was the first one to see it on Saturday and then I just sat on it. I was so sad. I had to call Jeremy and tell him that I didn't apply soon enough so we didn't get it.

I really felt like the Lord told me that I could have either one and that it would be okay. I was so bummed. Our next step was to apply for the Friday house that I liked. I submitted the application for that and then had to begin my travels home. This gave me ample time to think about my foolishness. As if air travel wasn't bad enough.

As I was waiting to leave San Antonio I got an email from the house I loved. They said that they were reviewing my application. I didn't understand because I had to be at least the 6th person to apply. It wasn't even 12 hours ago that I had finished. I responded to her asking for clarification;

her emailed response said the magic words - "we take the first *complete* application."

Huh. I guess the other people forgot to send a picture of their cat.

So this is my new address starting in April: https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/12114-Carson-Cv-San-Antonio-TX-78253/83980310_zpid/

I had a layover in Atlanta and found myself walking around in the basement, as usual. I noticed a guy who looked confused and - being the happy helper I am - asked what was wrong. He looked frazzled and said, "How do I get out of here?" Without even a pause, I told him, "Just go up." He was so grateful - called me sweetie, and walked away. But as I walked away, I realized that I wasn't where I thought I was. He needed to go upstairs but not until one more terminal north. I immediately turned around to try to find him but I couldn't. He could still be wandering around the basement of the Atlanta airport. This still haunts me.

As my husband points out, this story is so typical me - wanting to help others but usually being wrong. Consider yourself warned.

Whew! That was a roller coaster of a weekend.

I was anxious to get back to Ohio, though. We only have a month left and I have a lot of great friends here and a whole month of fun plans. One of those things is a daily routine of going to the gym with my friend, Claire. She is amazing and has been teaching me all her gym moves. She can do at least double the weight of everything I do, but it used to be that she could do 3 times more than me, so I am improving. I want you to know that I can bench press 45 pounds. This might sound extraordinary if you haven't frequented the gym in a while, but I will tell you it is only the bar without any weights. I am pretty happy about it, though.

I can also do bicep curls with 15 pound weights. For those of you who work out, this might cause some raised eyebrows - it is impressive I know, but please hold your applause. My most humbling move, though, is this thing we do where you put a bar across your hips and raise your hips up as high as you can. Until recently, I would have to have her place the bar on my hips and then come get it off me because I couldn't lift it myself. These are proud moments for me but I am trying something new and getting stronger each day. 

So that was my February. I'm pretty happy it is over, though. What is going on in your life?