I was asked to give a talk on Mother's day. I feel impresssed to share what Heavenly Father prompted me to say:
It was 3:30am Wednesday morning after a child
barged in to our room after having a bad dream. No one likes being startled to
wake in the middle of the night and my first thoughts as said child kicked our
door before walking in, was “Oh, come on!” After that I couldn’t fall back
asleep as I pondered this job of motherhood and maybe what I could learn from
this. Immediately I had thoughts enter my mind that I felt were important to
share with you and I actually got up and wrote this at that hour. Here is what the Lord wants you
to know:
My talk is on the blessings of Motherhood. At first I
thought I would talk about the quirkiness of being mothers but the Lord worked
on my mind and wanted me to focus on the Blessings part. So I had to think
“what blessings are there from motherhood and womanhood?” Especially on nights
when I have a child squished next to me causing me to lie in my own bed awake
and uncomfortable.
A thought came in to my mind.
“Christina, I am making you
into a virtuous woman.”
"Right
now?” I thought.
What are some virtues? We hear often that patience is a
virtue, I know that one of the young women values is virtue. D&C 4:6 says:
Remember Faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness,
godliness, charity, humility, diligence.” I wonder how these can apply to
motherhood…
Sister Bonnie D. Parkin was RS General President during 2006
and this talk was in the March 2006 Ensign called “Lessons from the Old
Testament: Blessed in my affliction.” In this talk she discusses Joseph, who
was sold as a slave by his brothers. If this happened to you, I imagine you
might be upset. But Genesis 45:5 tells us what the Lord said to Joseph: “Now
therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither:
for God did send me before you to preserve life”. Joseph was being taught
through affliction. She then related Joseph’s story to her own. She and her
husband had been called to the England London South Mission. At their
first conference in front of 75 missionaries, Sis. Parkin became very sick. Her
husband noticed a strange jerking in her eyes and quickly had 2 missionaries
take her out of the conference. Medical tests revealed an blood clot in her
inner ear and she struggled with balance and couldn’t hear out of that ear
anymore. She was pretty upset by this. She received treatment and gained her
balance back but never her hearing. She said “Nine years later, with my own
deeper perspective, I realize that countless blessings have come from those
afflictions in England.” Brothers and Sisters, she was becoming a virtuous
woman. These and other experiences helped her to become a great example to
other women as she struggled to be Patient and humble, charitable
and kind.
So now I want to talk about the intricacies of motherhood. It
is not easy to be a mother, or a sister, or a wife, or a woman, really. And
when you are in the thick of being a wife, mother, daughter, etc, it may be
hard to feel grateful for the opportunities to learn more virtues, but I will
tell you “Virtue is the chiefest beauty of the mind, the noblest ornament of
humankind. Virtue is our safeguard and our guiding star that stirs up reason
when our senses err.” That quote is found on an old sampler in a museum in
Newfoundland. These are virtues and blessings that we need to learn as mothers
and daughters:
1. 1.
Faith. It takes faith to be “cheerful and
optimistic, charitable and courageous” as we clean up spills and messes each
day, as we set rules for our family that no one wants to adhere to. It takes
faith to sit through a family home evening and not question the importance of
this program. It takes faith to get us through the loss of a child or loved
one, through serious injury and scary situations. Faith is developed over time
as we face obstacles and prove to ourselves that we can overcome them.
2. 2.
Honesty, another virtue, has taken practice for
me. There was a time when we really needed financial help and we were trying to
get a loan on a house. I knew what the loan officer, my friend Megan, needed to
hear and there was no way to prove the lie I told, so I told her what she
needed to hear in order to get the loan done. This ate at me. I knew that I had
done wrong. I wanted to change and be forgiven but I also didn’t want to go
back and tell her I lied. After letting it eat at me for weeks, I couldn’t take
it anymore. I called her up and told her that I had lied to her. I was truly
sorry for lying to her as a friend, but also lying to get a loan. I had to deal
with the consequences. After that, I decided that telling the truth was
actually easier than having to retrace actions of dishonesty. Honesty is a
virtue that doesn’t come easily for everyone but it can free your mind from
many burdens.
3. 3.
President James E. Faust said, “In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” we
read, “The sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and
woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” 4
Furthermore, the Lord says in the Book of Mormon, “I, the Lord God,
delight in the chastity of women.” 5
Those who engage in physical intimacies with someone outside of marriage
are likely to suffer feelings of guilt as well as deep emotional and physical
hurt. Intimate relationships between men and women outside the bounds the Lord
has set bring great misery, shame, degradation, and unhappiness to those
involved. Chastity is another
virtue and blessing that come from
righteous living and in this day and age, is harder to find and
desperately needed. What a blessing to women as we adhere to this virtue.
4. 4.
Humility – Boy, humility and I, like oil and water…Humility
in mother/womanhood is when you know that you are right but you let your
child/husband/brother find out on their own that they weren’t. Humility
is a mother who gives up a career and accomplishments to stay at home and raise
children who whine, cry, puke on you, and keep you up all night with only a
faint reminder that this will pay off in the end. Humility is what Christ exhibited as
they placed a crown of thorns on his head and mocked him. He knew who He was,
He knew that He could ask for justice to be done to those who caused him so
much pain, but he was humble, and we should all try to remember humility a
little more.
5. 5.
Charity and kindness– Charity in
motherhood/womanhood is letting your kids eat the last piece of dessert. It is
really listening when your child tries to tell you a lengthy story when you
have 10 things you need to do. Charity is loving the child who just told
you that “You are the worst mom in the whole town.” Charity is loving
and helping a daughter, son, or friend who has made choices that aren’t right. Charity
never faileth because it is the pure love of Christ. It takes a long time to
achieve 100% charity and it won’t come through a couple acts here and there. Charity
is a lifelong goal but the more you use Charity, the more blessings you will
see in your life as this love fills your soul.
6. 6.
Patience and Diligence – Patience
is something that no one has enough of and that we all wish that others had
more of. It takes patience to wait for righteous desires to be
fulfilled, and that applies to almost all aspects of life. We develop patience
as we deal with health struggles and things that are not in our control. It
takes diligence to care for a teething baby at all hours of the night.
It takes Diligence to help a child with homework and projects that they
don’t want to do or are incapable of doing themselves. Patience and diligence
are developed over time, just as all the other virtues are.
I want to end with a personal story, Jeremy and I got
married really young – like, just barely legal to be married without parental consent.
I had my life all planned out. I wanted 5 kids approx. 18 months to 2 years
apart and I wanted them before I turned 30. Bam. You all know that I am a
goal-oriented person so if there was a will there was a way…unless the Lord had
other plans. We soon found that the Lord was not ready for us to have kids.
Why? Why? I thought. We are good people. We are moderately attractive and have
the gospel and I don’t understand why all my friends are having kids and I am
not. This was really hard for me, and consequently for Jeremy because I was a little crazy. I honestly felt
that I had failed as a woman because I couldn’t do my one job.
Over time, however, I began to
develop some perspective. I was learning patience. I couldn’t have what
I wanted and I needed to learn that. I was learning humility as I dealt
with helpful people asking unhelpful questions. I was learning love and charity
as I held other babies and enjoyed kids more because I couldn’t have my own.
Through much affliction I was learning virtues that I would not have
learned at all. Most of you like the person I am today but if I had not had
this trial I wouldn’t be that person…and I hated that time in my life!
As I reflect back, though, I know the Lord has a plan and
wants me to become a virtuous woman and you and I have to go through our
trials and learning experiences in order to become that.
Virtues are not things that you can purchase, they are
achieved individually, one hardship at a time. Virtues are the blessings
that come through motherhood and womanhood. Who doesn’t love a virtuous woman?
So for all the mothers out there
who deal with crabby babies, cranky toddlers, disobedient youth, defiant
teenagers, and immature adults, remember that the Lord has a great purpose for
you and He will help lead His virtuous daughters into places where they can
help others and be beacons to those who are need to build up their
virtues. So what are these blessings of motherhood and womanhood? The Lord
wants all of his daughters to become virtuous women.
I have a testimony of these
things. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
